


when you find it, there’s no reason to hide

by mermistia



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, WHY do i keep writing for rarepairs that get no attention. WHY do i do this to myself, also no it’s still not squipcest. @aj im looking at u, how many times can i type “jeremy heere’s squip” in the information for the same fic, or y’know they’ve been dating for 3 years. take ur pick, that’s all i can bothered to tag YEET
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 12:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20407489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mermistia/pseuds/mermistia
Summary: River doesn’t say “I love you.”Until he does, and strangely, he doesn’t regret it.





	when you find it, there’s no reason to hide

**Author's Note:**

> @squipscord y’all are HURTING ME in the riverway angst channel so screw you here’s some fluff

He’s almost disgustingly cute when he’s sleeping. 

Squips don’t _really_ need to sleep, but Ly seems to have taken a shine to the human ritual, deciding that it’s a good way to recharge, and River finds that he can’t really complain. It’s nice, having Ly curled up in his lap, soft and sleepy and silent, it’s peaceful, and River catches himself staring at Ly a little more than is probably normal. 

He’s just _cute,_ River thinks with a small smile, and brushes a strand of hair from Ly’s face, tucking it behind his ear with gentle fingers, trailing a hand down the side of his face. Ly twitches a little, their face scrunching up before it reflexes again, and they roll over to lie face down on River’s legs, hugging him tight. 

The words slip out before River means them to.

“I love you.”

He covers his mouth at first, sitting bolt upright in his seat and feeling his eyes widen, until he realises that Ly’s asleep, they didn’t hear it, they don’t know, they never heard it, and he relaxes just a little. The words leave a strange aftertaste in his mouth, cause strange sensations to flood through his code, and he runs the sentence over his tongue in curiosity. 

I love you. 

I l o v e y o u . 

L o v e .

Squips aren’t meant to love, but it’s a little too late for that now. It’s far too late for a lot of things.

Too late for River to fill his purpose. 

Too late for him to deactivate himself. 

Too late for him to pretend he doesn’t have emotions, to pretend he doesn’t feel, to pretend he isn’t in love. 

“I love you,” he says again, a little louder this time, and bites his lip furiously. He doesn’t feel it (not feeling pain is a wonderful side effect of not being a real person), but he bites down hard none the less, as if the act will stop him from saying anything else that he doesn’t mean, anything else that’s too impulsive, anything else that shouldn’t be said. 

Except he does mean it, and he lets the words fall from his lips again and again and again, until they slur into a vague incoherent sound that he can’t keep saying anymore. 

“I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you so much. 

I love you so much, Ly.

I love you, Lyceum.”

He runs a hand through his hair as he says it, grounding himself, his other hand clinging tight to the fabric of Ly’s jacket. It fills the room, soft words spoken repeatedly, full of love and emotion that he was never meant to have, full of everything that he’s been holding back for so long, full of everything that he’s always been scared to say. 

He’s not scared anymore. 

He’s not scared, but it still makes him jump a metre in the air when Ly rolls over in his lap, eyes wide and alert and more awake than River thought they were, and River feels his quantum processor stop dead in its tracks as his mind goes blank. “You’re... you- you’re awake.” He says, and winces noticeably at the stutter in his voice, something he’d always chided Jeremy for. 

“I’m awake,” Ly says, and River searches their voice for any kind of emotion, any kind of reaction to what they must have just heard. 

“Oh,” is all he manages to say, playing with the hem of Ly’s hoodie uncomfortably. 

There’s a silence for a few seconds, both awkward and comfortable all at once, and River swallows once, twice, a third time, before breaking the quietness with a voice that sounds a lot smaller than he wants it to. 

“Did you... hear me?” 

Ly squints at him. “Yes.”

“Oh,” he says again, for lack of anything else coming to mind. Ly heard him, he heard him, he heard everything, it’s game over now. They’re finished now. He’s ruined everything. “I, uh-”

“Did you really mean it?” Ly interrupts him and holds up a hand, sitting up slightly in his lap. River notices that the strand of Ly’s hair that he tucked away earlier has fallen down again, and he looks at it with a small smile that he fights desperately to hold back. 

“What?”

“What you said,” Ly continues, tapping their fingers together softly, a nervous gesture that River tries his best to ignore. “Did you mean that? You... really love me? Really?”

River almost freezes, but he shakes his head just slightly to break himself out of the trance, and the words come out without hesitation. “Yes, I meant it. I love you, Ly.” He lets his hand rise slowly, all too aware that he could accidentally break Ly’s boundaries and personal space with just a simple touch. Ly doesn’t flinch away, leans into his hand gently, and River tucks the strand of hair behind his ear once again, letting out a breath that he didn’t realise he’d been holding when they make eye contact. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Ly says, and suddenly they’re sitting up straight, leaning forwards in a quick desperate gesture, pressing their lips against River’s, hard and fast and hungry, like they’ve been waiting for so long to finally do it. 

“I love you,” River gasps when they pull apart, hands gripping each other’s bodies tightly, and his feels a warmth inside him when Ly echoes the words back to him, soft and secret and full of love, so much love, l o v e . “I love you so much, Ly. I love you.”

His hands slide over Ly’s sides, over their back, clutching their hips, their arms, their neck, pulling them closer and closer and closer until there’s no more space between them left to fill, and he holds them like they’re the only thing in his world. Which, he supposes, they are. 

I l o v e y o u .

I l o v e y o u t o o . 

Their lips connect again. 

I l o v e y o u . 

He wonders why it’s taken him this long to say it.

**Author's Note:**

> anyway! im gay and i didn’t proofread. what else is new


End file.
